Huh!
by Silverblossom Jordan
Summary: Isabella Swan and her friends like to hang out after work and discuss...things, like what she'd like to do to her delectable boss Edward Cullen, maybe little Ms. Hot pants should check who's in the next booth before getting into too much detail? Twilight belongs to S M no copyright infringement intended
1. Chapter 1

**SHE'S BACK,sooooooo, I was exiled to the Isle of Elba, lots have happened since my little forced vacay, Cullen's Crew has been published on Amazon as Lyon's Crew by Jordan Silver, yes haters, you know who you are the one who sent the ugly email, well it is my birthday and contrary to your poisonous words I am published by my birthday and I'm not disappointed because sink or swim, I dove into the water...show me what you've got.**

**this is a repost of this story all who wants to enjoy feel free**

"Hey Vic, after work we're heading to the Shanty, tell the girls."

"Aw come on Bella, why that place, that place is a dump, how are we supposed to meet decent guys if we keep spending our happy hour in such a dive?"

"Listen, the guys might or might not become a reality, the one thing that's a surety at the shanty is two fifty frozen margaritas from four to seven thirty, if the night's gonna be a bust man wise at least we won't be out of pocket by too much."

"Fine whatever."

"Sweet, so we'll meet in the lobby at four fifteen."

"I'll tell the others."

I get back behind my desk in the inner offices of Cullen Industries, I'm the executive assistant, aka glorified Secratary of the head honcho, the hottest, sexiest thing God ever put on the earth, was it any wonder my heart wasn't really into the man hunting thing? The man had spoiled me for every other man.

Too bad he didn't know I existed outside the office doors, I don't think he's ever even seen me as anything more than a typing and organizing machine.

It's six thirty and I'm feeling no pain, the same heifers who had bitched and moaned at me about coming here were having a blast hooting and hollering and crooning along to the music on the jukebox.

"I'll tell you who I'd like to ride into the sunset." Angela the most circumspect of us could never hold her liquor.

"Who?" Jessica egged her on.

"Our master of all things, the big honcho, the número UNO, el patron, Edward Cullen, woo hoo."

"You better watch it chick, that's Bella's dick." They all started laughing. It was no real secret among the girls that I had been mooning over the boss for the past two years, they've all heard me waxing poetic about his every virtue ad nauseam.

"I wish you would stop saying that Rose, it only serves to give me hope when we all know it'll never happen, I mean look at me, men like that don't go for overweight secretaries."

"Bella, how many times must we tell you there's a difference between top heavy and over weight."

"Yeah, but who can tell with the clothes I'm forced to wear?"

"Don't forget we've seen you in a bikini, you have an amazing body."

"Great, so all I have to do to get him to notice me is come to work in a bikini."

"No, all you have to do is let me take you shopping."

"I'm not wearing anything bought at sluts'r' us."

"Hey Leah, another round over here."

Leah was our waitress every Friday, the girls didn't really think this place was a dump they just liked to tease me about it.

"Your dad told me that if any of you bunch climb on top of one of his tables again I'm to hose you down."

"Awe, that's no fair, we can't help it, he shouldn't be feeding the public huge quantities of alcohol for such teeny tiny prices then."

"That's right Bella you tell him." Vic was already plastered.

"Thanks Leah, can you bring us more nachos, I think that might help soak up the liquor."

"Uh huh, I think you lot are way past that." She walked away and we got back to basics.

"You know whose face I'd like to ride like a bronco?"

"Who Rose?"

"Emmett, sweet merciful heavens the things I could do to that man, have you seen those biceps, swoon." She started dry humming the air.

"I think it's time for music our last song is about to play."

"Save a horse and ride a cowboy."

"Jessica I like the song and all but I want to dance and I can't really get my freak on to that."

"Uh oh, I see another stripping incident ahead." Alice threw a chip at me.

"Come on Alice, that was one time, I was nineteen and we were in Cancun, I haven't done anything like that since, besides you heifers dared me."

"Just tell us about the delectable Edward Cullen and what you'd like to do to him."

"What wouldn't I like to do to that man, you see who he's always in the society pages with, she's gorgeous."

"She's a hag."

"Rosalie that's not true, she's a beautiful woman and she has such sophistication..."

"Aren't you the one that said she looks like her face was put together as an afterthought?" The person or persons in the next booth sounded like they were choking. I couldn't see who it was though because the booths were made high for privacy.

"I might have said that Jessica at a mean moment, oh who the hell am I kidding, I hate her fucking guts, not only is her face a patchwork of fucked up, but her manners are deplorable, I wonder if he knows what a bitch she is?"

"I doubt it, women like that know how to play it, you better believe she's all peaches and cream when he's around, but when she's dealing with other females the claws come out."

"So true Rosie."

"You can see every bone in her chest." Angela was almost under the table at this point.

"Looks like a freaking xylophone."

We all busted out laughing at my wit.

"So come on Vic, doesn't James share with you some of the things the big bad boss man get up to when they're away on business, I mean as head of security he must be privy to a lot."

"Come on Alice don't ask her that."

"It's cool Bella, no Alice to answer your question, James never discusses his work with me, he's very loyal to the brothers."

"That's another thing, how come they have different names if they're brothers?"

"Jess are you having a blonde moment, it's because Edward's parents adopted Jasper and Emmett when they were younger." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot."

"I'd like to get me some of that Jasper, uhm uhm uhm, what a hottie, all that hair and those soulful eyes, I just want to melt all over that."

"Go Alice, get it get it girl." We were a rowdy bunch when my dad made it out of his back office and over to us.


	2. Chapter 2

**So my dear readers how've you been let me hear from you I've missed your voices and your funny little quips it's my birthday people and this is one of my gifts to me, making you smile( hopefully)**

"Evening ladies what are you lot up to this evening?"

"Hi dad."

"Hey Chief." The girls chorused together.

"Uh huh, you girls behaving yourselves out here right."

"Don't we always?"

"Angela love how much did you have to drink?"

"Not mush, I sphere."

"Bells you know that girl is a light weight."

"We know dad, we're keeping an eye on her."

"So none of your shenanigans tonight right girls."

"Right dad, best behavior, brrggh, sorry." Nothing like burping sour margaritas in your farther's face.

"Yeah what she said chief sans the burp." Rose cackled with laughter while I covered my giggles.

"Oh where did I go wrong?"

"Whatever do you mean?" I could still do my prim and proper so I couldn't be too far gone yet.

"I should've sent you to military school when you were a teen to keep you away from this bunch, the lot of you have been nothing but trouble since Rosie turned twelve and the rest of you were ten or eleven."

"Hey chief I resemble that remark." Rosie raised her margarita to him before slugging it down.

He rolled his eyes and walked away as the rest of us laughed our asses off. Poor dad, he was the only parent to always get stuck with us, the others usually ran and hid when they saw us coming.

"No table dancing ladies I mean it."

"I'm not making any promises chief."

"Okay Ali but if you lot just have to, if you just can't control yourselves, can you please keep it to just your table and your table only?"

"Aye aye sir."

"Whoo, whoo, nice cheeks chief." Rose wolf whistled and my father embarrassingly gave his behind a little wiggle.

"Oh, dad, gross."

"What, you young people slay me, you think you're the only ones who can shake it like it's hot?"

"Drop it dad."

"Drop what, I'm just saying."

"No dad the song, never mind."

He walked back to the office and we got back to the business at hand.

Rose started laughing at nothing in particular causing the rest of us to stare at her like she'd lost her mind.

"What the hell's wrong with you Rosie?" Angela threw a chip across the table, Rose caught it and ate it before answering me.

"I was just thinking about that time we stole chief's cruiser in the middle of the night and took it for a joy ride."

We all broke out laughing then in fond memory.

"Yeah, and you fools were hanging out the windows topless, waving your damn training bras around."

"Yeah lucky for you you were the designated driver because your dad was hot on our tails in his jeep."

"Oh please don't remind me, embarrassing."

"He was cool about it though, all he said was 'kids will be kids."

"Yeah Rosie but then he ratted us out to our parents and got us grounded for a month."

"It was worth it though Alice, now we can tell our grandchildren that story."

"Enough of this reminiscing shit, I wanna get my freak on."

"Damn Isabella, give this girl a couple shots a tequila and she sheds the proper."

"Shut it Jess, come on what should we dance to?"

"You heard your dad, they're gonna throw us out of here again for sure."

"Nah Jess, as long as you and Ange don't start stripping again we should be fine."

"Lies all lies."

"Go back to sleep Jess."

"Mm'kay." She laid her head back down on the table, drool and all. "Wake me up when it's time for karaoke."

"Sure no problem."

"I know, I know, Good life by One Republic, I feel like something slow and hot that I can get my grind on.

"Please, you know what happens once you start dancing to that song."

"Forget the damn song I wanna talk some more about my Jazzy, hmm, yummy for my tummy."

"He is cute."

"Hey hands of Angela, first Bella's dick now mine."

"Don't even think about my Em, maybe Vic will share scary James with your hard up ass."

"My man ain't scary whores and no sharesies, that dick is all mine, all nine and a half inches." She started shimmying her shoulders and snapping her fingers.

The nosy asses in the next booth was back to choking and snorting.

"Hey mind your business over there, we ain't talking to you." I threw a rolled up napkin over the booth, something I would never have done had I not been toasted.

"Bella behave damn, don't start shit with anyone right now, I'm too drunk to kick a bitch's ass and besides I'm wearing heals."

"They been listening in and laughing at us the whole night."

"Who cares, maybe they need dick too." Of course the whole table busted up at that and I soon forgot the people on the other side.

"Well you hoes took all the good ones who am I supposed to get then?" Angela started shit back up.

"I think Ben has the hots for you."

"Which Ben?"

"You know Ben you ass, he works with James and Alec as the personal body guards, ooh, speaking of which, boy would I like to guard Edwards's body, all...night... long."

"I bet you would slut."

"Jess, sleep, seriously one day he came back from the gym and I guess he had some sort of emergency because he didn't change downstairs, I just about had the big O right then and there."

"Only just about?"

"Well I finished when he turned to go into his office and I got a good look at that ass, yeah doggie."

"Woot woot woot."

"Ssh Rosie, chief's gonna have our asses." I threw a cocktail straw at her blonde head.

"Now with my Em it's that chest and those arms."

"Chest and arms, the fuck you gonna do with those, now my Jazzy is a long drink of water, you know what that means." She stretched her hands out to measure. "Hung like a moose."

"Hung like a moose, hung like a moose, hung like a moose." We all took up the chant and again I heard those choking noises from the booth, only this time it was joined by a snickeror two. I hoped they weren't the sort to start complaining because that'll just make us even rowdier.

Leah came out with another round and a warning. "Chief says he can hear you lot and he says he's about to call deputy Riley and the boys to come haul your asses outta here."

"Yeah yeah yeah, tell him come say that shit to our faces, now get us more shots Chica."

"Geez Bella." She walked away shaking her head.

"Well where were we, oh yeah, moose dick, well let me tell you, if he's hung like a moose then my Edward must be part elephant."

"No,as thin as he is?" Rose shook her head in disbelief.

"He might seem thin under those suits but that fucker is built, and girlfriend those gym shorts hid nothings we're talking break out the hard stick."

"Shit, how come I miss all the good shit, I know what we should do, we should put hidden cameras in the boys' bathroom in the gym."

"Angela take your drunk ass back under the table."

"What Bella I'm just saying."

"It's illegal."

"So, men do it all the time, we could have a live feed in the break room."

"You're not perving on my Edward's dick."

"Your Edward huh, first you have to get rid of the human barracuda."

"Damn Rose thanks for raining on my parade."

"Oh well, there's always my dreams and he's always so good in my dreams and all mine."

"Do tell Bella, share, share, share." Alice started the chant and of course the others joined in.

I was blushing fire red but the alcohol was coursing through my system and I felt no pain.

I opened my mouth to answer but drunk ass Jess had to open her big mouth.

"Wait a minute, how can you dream about sex when you never had any, I mean how would you know what to do?" Fuck I think she just killed whoever was in the next booth because that choke was really loud this time followed by a coughing fit and the laughter this time was loud. I guess they decided that since we knew they were listening in they might as well let it all hang out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Thanks a lot Jess for telling the free world that my cooch is still intact, damn blabber mouth, hey you pipe down over there it wasn't that damn funny, nosy ass." There was a lot of throat clearing but no one said anything, I could hear soft whispers but couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Bella being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact I think it's coming back in style, I say be proud that you've kept yours."

"Kept it my ass the only reason the shit survived is because Charlie had a gun and any potential coochie plucker was scared out of their damn minds to even go there, then in college I was just too busy, but boy would I like to be deflowered by elephant man." There they go again, now I have two tables laughing at my pathetic ass.

"Maybe we need to plot something to get you some dick."

"Rose, I've seen that movie, it never works out, plotting and scheming is never the answer, I'll just have to accept the fact that he will be forever out of my reach."

"Aw Bella that sounds so sad, we have to do something girls, Bella deserves to get her some elephant dick."

"Oh my word Alice will you stop, I'm sorry I said anything, change the subject please, let's talk about Rose and her obsession with Emmett McCarthy."

"Nope, we've talked about that ad nauseam, we need to figure out how to get the Denali bitch out and get you in there, I'm telling you if you stop wearing those gunnysacks and start wearing the shit we bought you our last shopping trip you'll catch his eye for sure, I'm telling you, no red blooded male could resist those DDs of yours especially not with that tiny ass waist and slender hips, sheeeeiiiit, you'll have him eating out of your hands in no time."

Now the occupants in the next booth were getting interactive because one of them seemed to have fallen back against the divider, making our side shake.

"Hey take it easy over there." I pounded my fist against it, what was with these people anyway?

"I don't know Rose, I just don't think I have the nerve to pull it off."

"I know wash you shud do, you shud slip im shometin."

"Angela, why are all your suggestions illegal, and please stay out of the conversation until you get a better grasp on the English language, you're hurting my inner ear with that drunken shit."

"I's jush tryina help."

"I'm with Rose on this one, James is a tit man, he can spend hours just on the tit, sometimes I wonder if he has a nursing fetish." Vic was busy tearing her napkin to shreds.

We'd each had about six margaritas not to mention the intermittent shots of tequila, some of us were holding up better than others but Vic and Rose were the champs, they usually outlasted the rest of us.

The peanut gallery was at it again, sounded like choking piglets, I was almost tempted to go over there and give them a piece of my mind for listening in but what the hell.

"Enough a this shit, it's dancing time."

CPOV

Shit, there goes that damn song, every Friday night like clockwork, this means my kid is about to act the fool her and her girlfriends, the lot of them have been running circles around me since childhood when they'd all met in kindergarten, for some strange reason me being the only single parent had gotten stuck with them, seems they were too much of a handful for the others.

I can't tell you how many phone calls I've received from the other mothers about their children's behavior like I was somehow the designated bad parent. I have one biological brat and five adoptees, I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world, but I sure wish they would take it easy on me come Friday night.

I've had to call my deputies to cart them home on more than one occasion when they got too rowdy and tonight seems to be shaping up to be one of those nights, usually I ran them all home because they knew better than to drink and drive, that's why Fridays they bussed it in to work.

My girls were thick as thieves, Rose had ridden rough shod over the lot of them in their teens to keep their grades up so they could graduate together, there were times when it looked like they weren't going to make it, but they'd made some kind of pact that they won't ever be separated and they'd pulled each other along. I'm proud of them, of what they've achieved and of their great friendship that's lasted longer than some marriages.

When the cat calling and the whistling started I knew it was time to go see about keeping them in line and that was only from Rose, before long the other patrons will be joining in and my place would be a mad house.

EPOV

Whoa, that's Isabella Swan, no fucking way, can't be, her hair is loose and flying every which way as she moves her hips and shimmies her body to the music, I didn't even know she had that much hair and when she raised her hands above her head, hair caught in her fist, a little strip of flesh showed around her middle, she really was tiny. You'd never tell from the loose tops she wore all the time.

The rest of her posse is egging her on and singing back up as she belts out Good Life over the jukebox, a little drunkenly but not bad. I wonder what her legs look like under that matronly skirt of hers, if the conversation we'd overheard was anything to go by she had a kick ass body to go with that amazing face of hers. I've always thought she was drop dead gorgeous if only a tad bit too shy for my taste, but this was no shrinking violet I was spying on.

"Damn Cullen, you better get that before somebody else does."

I looked around at my guys who were all peeping around the booth trying to stay hidden but still catch the action.

"What the fuck are you guys looking at?" Of course they thought that shit was funny and started laughing like the assholes they were.

"I'm just saying dude, you better jump on that before one of these maggots in here take what's yours, or are you too chicken shit?"

"Fuck you tit man." That brought on another round of laughter, I was really beginning to appreciate having been dragged into this local watering hole for after work drinks by my brothers. It's not my usual hangout, not by a long shot and I'd been resistant to the idea, but after the day we'd had it hadn't been too hard to convince me, now I'm glad I came because I learned something very valuable. I learned that the woman I'd been having wet dreams about for the last three months was mine for the taking.

At first I had no idea why I was having fuck hot sex with my admin in my dreams, she wasn't my usual type, she was short for one thing and she wasn't a blonde, but her scent drove me fucking insane, her face though was one for the history books, fucking Helen of Troy couldn't have done it better I'm sure. My only problem now was should I approach her tonight, let her know I'd heard every word, or would that be too embarrassing for her, maybe I'll wait until Monday and make my move. Then again the douche that was about to approach her just might make up my mind for me.

"Oh shit, lion on the hunt." I heard my brother Emmett make that statement as I stood up.


	4. Chapter 4

EPOV

"Mine I think." I glared at the clown who'd been about to put hands on her.

"Oh fucking shit, where'd you come from?"

Oh yeah she was well and truly wasted if she was talking to her boss like that and so were my other employees, namely Rosalie Hale and little Alice who started whistling and making lewd suggestions when I shoved my way between her and the asshole who'd thought to dance with her. I didn't even spare him a second look, just took her hand and pulled her into me.

I had no intention of dancing with her here but I'd be damned if I'd let some other dude rub up all over her after everything I'd just heard all evening.

"Ladies, I think there're some guys over there that might want to have a word with you." They all turned and looked towards the booth where they'd been sitting including my little temptress.

"Oh I'm so fired." She turned beet red and tried covering her face with her hair.

"Oh no you don't, don't go all shy girl on me now I like that fire you had going on." I couldn't help grinning at the mortification on her face.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, da fuck? Okay I'm shutting up now, I just want to go on record as saying that tequila and I have always had a love hate relationship, I love it, it hates me."

"You're cute."

"Are you shitting me, you guys were sitting back there this whole time?" Hale was staring daggers at Emmet who was grinning like the jackass that he is ,Alice was mooning over Jasper who was flashing her his killer dimples and Hunter had his woman in a lip lock. Ben and Alec were basically just enjoying the show though Benny did have an eye for the Webber girl.

"So am I fired or what?"

"Why would I want to do that when I only just found you?"

"What, but I've been working for you for months."

"Not this you, I get the shy, soft spoken girl next door not the sexy vixen."I still had ahold of her hand which felt kinda nice.

"Oh hell no, please tell me you didn't hear everything that came out of my mouth tonight." "Every word, almost choked me a time or two."

"That was you, oh shoot me now."

"You want to unhand my kid son?"

I turned to look at the older gentleman who'd visited her booth earlier.

"Not necessarily sir."

"Dad this my boss." She stage whispered as she stumbled a little.

"Oh yeah, the hottest thing on legs?" He looked me up and down as if to refute that claim.

"Oh geez embarrassing, chief go back to the office."

"Boy you plan to keep her off my damn tables, I run an upstanding establishment here but between my daughter and her friends you'd never guess it."

"Let's go chief, you've caused enough trouble for one evening." Jessica Stanley took his arm and led him away.

"My father has no qualms about embarrassing any of us at any given moment, he says it's payback for all the times we asked him embarrassing questions at the top of our lungs in public when we were younger, I have to admit for a while there between the ages of ten and thirteen it was a fun game."

"You talk to your dad about me?"

"Please, if there's any mercy in the world you'll forget everything you heard here this evening."

"I don't think so I learned some very interesting things here that I might not have learned otherwise." I led her back to the booth which was now a free for all.

BPOV

I think I'm gonna throw up and wouldn't that be the icing on this particular cake. I'm sure tomorrow I'll think of a million ways to end my misery or at the very least leave the state,there's no way I can ever life this down.

"Oh my word I talked about your...oh I know I'm gonna be sick."

"That was actually my favorite part of the conversation along with the part about your, what did you call it again, oh yes, your cooch being intact."

Seriously, did he have to be so hump worthy?

"Damn Bella, keep some of it to yourself."

"What do you mean Alice?"

"Oh shit, maybe this isn't such a good idea, maybe we should catch you guys on Monday." Rose was getting up to go.

"What, what happened?"

"Um Bells, you said that out loud." Jessica was laughing her ass off, all I could do was look to the sky for guidance, it's official, I'm like the biggest ass in creation.

I buried my head in my hands as the guys tried to play it off like I hadn't been making a complete ass of myself this whole night.

"I don't see why you're so embarrassed Ms. Swan, I had to sit here with my boys and listen to my girl tell you all that I have a nursing fetish.

I snort laughed at that one. "Yeah that was kind of funny."

"I personally liked the hung like a moose chant." Alice face planted into Jasper's chest after he made that statement.

"What are you guys doing here anyway, I've never seen you here before."I looked at Edward's beautiful face, I don't think I'd ever been this close to him before, I like it, I liked the way he kept his arm around me.

"It was James' idea, I'm beginning to think he knew what we'd find,maybe him and Victoria set us up."

"Not me, although I did know my woman hung out here with her girls on Friday nights I honestly didn't think of it when I suggested coming here, I just thought it was closer and you guys needed to get to a drink as soon as possible after the day from hell."

"So Ms. Webber you want to drug me and put hidden cameras in the men's room to spy on us, any other illegal tendencies you have hiding over there?"

"I liked it better when yous was shtalking about moosh dicks."

"Please forgive her, she has like zero tolerance for alcohol."

"Uh huh, I get the feeling you ladies have been perpetrating a fraud, I mean Hale I see you in the office always so prim and proper not a hair out of place, Alice you're always the helpful little sprite and don't get me started on my admin, there's a whole hidden bag of tricks there."

"Nope not really no, it's the tequila I'm telling you, just forget we were ever here tonight."

"I will if you have dinner with me tomorrow night."

You should see the dropped jaws and bug eyed looks from my girls. I guess they'd heard.

Alice kicked me under the table because it seems I'd lost my voice.

"You want to go out with me?"

"Yes."

"But what about..."

"The human barracuda?"

My face went up in flames. "Sorry about that." I so deserve to be fired.

"Let's just say I'm beginning to like the idea of floating with a swan a lot better."

"Fuck me." Shit I did it again, I'd said that out loud.

"Eventually."

No he didn't just say that, I think my cooch just perked up and genuflected.


	5. Chapter 5

EPOV

She's too adorably cute when she's pickled, though the difference between her office persona and this one was like night and day I find I like them both,I like the mouthy, quirky Isabella who couldn't seem to stop herself from saying shit out loud, like just now when she told me her 'cooch' had genuflected funny as shit, I just have to make sure no one else overheard this conversation I think the boys had heard more than enough about my future girl thank you very much.

"What time do you ladies usually leave this place?"

"Oh not for another couple hours why you need to go?" She pouted at me like she did not like that idea at all.

"No baby I'm just asking." The waitress came over with another round of drinks and I hid my grin as Isabella looked at hers like it was about to bite her.

"I'm very afraid of this little glass all of a sudden." She looked around at her girls but they were all preoccupied doing their own thing, James and Victoria were snogging each others face off, Emmett and Rosalie were doing the whole getting to know you better thing which involved a lot of touching if you ask me, she couldn't seem to stop touching his chest and that goof was just lapping it up, it's good that I knew he held a torch for her, the big lug had just been too scared to approach her for fear of being charged with sexual harassment.

Jasper and the sprite were smiling at each other and Ben was trying to talk to Angela who couldn't seem to stay in her seat. Jessica had her head down and was humming something that I couldn't quite make out.

Isabella picked her drink up but was waylaid by Rose.

"Bella put that shit down, I don't think you should have another."

"What it's fine, besides the other six or seven already wore off what with the embarrassment and crap, trust me I'm sober." She took a drink and smacked her lips appreciatively.

"Besides happy hour is almost over and you know dad is gonna kick us out before the rowdy crowd starts to show up, my dad doesn't let his girls stay here after a certain time because the place can get a little raunchy." She imparted this last tidbit to me.

"That's not why Bells, it's because of that time Alice dared you to strip down to your camisole and you almost started a riot with your knockers."

"For the love of, Angela get your ass back under the table, now, I have no idea what she's talking about." She shook her head at me with what she thought was an innocent look I'm sure but I couldn't help the laugh that came out of my mouth. I have to admit, I can't wait to see these knockers that everyone keeps talking about, the way she dressed she looked a little plump, at least that's what I'd always thought, I had no idea she was hiding a body under there, her bright gorgeous smile and her winning personality though a little shy took the attention away from that, but now after overhearing all this talk I was more than ready to find out what hidden treasures my little admin had for me to find.

"It's either that or it could be the time we dared each other to dance on that table remember?"

"Jess here have a drink shove a straw down your pipe and keep it zipped."

Rose pushed a mango margarita in Jess's direction and the others followed suit and started in on theirs. This ought to be fun, I could see that the guys were thinking the same thing as we all sat back and watched, I wondered if they would be so uninhibited in their speech now that they knew we were listening in or would the alcohol override their natural sense of propriety.

"So Mr. Cullen, I guess you overheard our Bella mooning over your elephant dick."

Bella's sip of her drink spewed out of her mouth across the table as Rose deadpanned.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N For those who keep asking about Cullen's Crew, since it was removed three times from his site I removed it and published it. It is now called Lyon's Crew and is available on .**

BPOV

I can't believe Rose said that shit out loud, by the time everyone else was finished laughing I had finished my drink and was starting on Angela's, she didn't need it anyway. My boss decided that I'd had enough and removed the glass from my hand.

"Uh uh, when I kiss you good night later I want you to remember at least that much." I looked at his dreamy face and those eyes that made me want to go swimming in the deep and certain parts of me started throbbing out of control.

"Check." That's it it was time to go before I did something really stupid like laid myself out for him to sample.

Of course everyone's attention was once again focused solely on me since I'd yelled for the check at the top of my lungs.

"Oh yeah it's time to go, she's looking at him like he's the last chicken leg on the platter and she's starving, come on girls lets get our girl home." Talk about word vomit, Jessica would pick this damn moment to make sense.

"What'd I miss?" Angela picked her head up from the table drool and all, looking around to see what all the commotion was about. Rose and Alice who seemed to be the only two with any sense left started gathering us up, while Victoria just shook her head like we were all a lost cause.

"How're you ladies getting home, I can call the boys to run you in." Dad came up to the table, I guess Leah the tattle tale must've told him I'd been screaming for the check, she would see that as an SOS since we never paid here.

"We've got it sir." Edward offered that tidbit as the chief sized them up one by one.

"Alright now listen son, I'm trusting you lot with my pride and joys, if anything should happen between here and their front door remember, I have a gun, I'm the law and I know how to hide the bodies." I snickered as he eyed them down one by one.

"No worries sir, we'll make sure they get home safe and sound, nothing more."

"I wouldn't mind a little something more."

"Oh geez Angie don't say those things in font of me." Dad turned red as a cherry as the rest of us cracked up.

"What chief, I didn't say anything, you should've heard..."

"Alright Angela time to go." Vic got her before she started in on elephant dicks again.

Dad didn't seem too sure but he let us go anyway after giving out a few more warnings of doom if his little flowers weren't handled delicately.

The guys were in a chauffeured limo which pulled around the block just as we came out the building. I found myself sitting next to Edward as we piled in, seemed we'd pretty much paired off like teenagers.

"So tomorrow, what time should I pick you up?"

"Are you serious about that or are you putting me on?"

"I'm very serious Swan." He gave me one of those sexy once overs that had me squirming in my seat.

"In that case seven I guess, or is that too early, what time would be better for you?"

I was suddenly very nervous this was Edward Cullen after all, our city's most eligible bachelor, man about town and my own personal secret crush.

"Seven's fine, any preference or is it my choice?"

"Oh it's all you." He seemed to like that if the big smile on his face was anything to go by.

"I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now but I don't want our first kiss to be in front of others, when I kiss you there just might be fireworks, wouldn't want any innocent bystanders to get hurt."

"Oh man you have got to stop saying stuff like that before I molest you." Oops, I did it again.

His loud bark of laughter made the others look in our direction but when nothing else was forthcoming they went back to their own business.

"So tell me Miss. Isabella, why have you been hiding under your clothes?"

His look made me squirm and get all twitchy down below, if the man could do that with just his eyes I couldn't begin to imagine what his hands along with other parts of him could do.

"Earth to Isabella, where did you go?"

"What nowhere." I tried to check the corners of my mouth for drool without being too obvious, crap, this close he was really packing a wallop.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I don't hide, per say, just..." I shrugged my shoulders at him, my breasts are a sore spot for me, I've been teased about them since they appeared out of nowhere in my early teens, I've doled out plenty of black eyes because of them and the comments they generated, it's only the girls telling me that they were nothing to be ashamed of that kept me from total despair, dad would run screaming bloody murder if I even thought of bringing up the subject with him, in fact the one time I tried he'd turned beet red and fled the room, we'd never revisited that catastrophe again.

"Okay let's change the subject, why didn't you ever let on that you were interested?"

"Are you mental, no way, oh my...seriously..."

"Okay okay, calm down, I was just asking, I mean it seems to me that your girls knew so why didn't you ever give me a hint, every time I came near you've always been so stoic and reserved, if I hadn't been there tonight I would never have known how you feel, now how is that a good thing?"

"You don't just go up to your boss and say' hey hot stuff I'd like to jump your bones, how about a quickie in your office?'

"I see you've given this some thought." He snickered, the cutie.

"A little maybe...oh not fair, you can't ask me those kinds of questions while I'm a tad tipsy."

"How else am I going to fond out what I want to know, I'm sure by tomorrow you'll be back to being your other self, I rather enjoy this you though."

"So what you don't like office Bella?"

"I didn't day that, I just find this you more relaxed and forthcoming that's all."

"Alright you two we're here, Bella say goodnight to the elephant and let's go."

Of course my eyes dropped to his lap at Rose's words which made everyone laugh as I scrambled out of the car.

"You people are a total embarrassment."I glared at the lot of them.

"You're now figuring that out after all these years, I'll be by tomorrow to help get you ready for your date." Victoria kissed us goodbye before getting back in the car, she was the only one to move away since we'd been living together. I guess it made more sense for her to live with her fiancé James. The rest of us still lived together in the five bedroom house we rented, it was a great arrangement, we each had our privacy and split five ways the rent was almost next to nothing, so for a song we got to live in a very nice Victorian home in a great part of town.

The girls were saying their goodbyes and I guess from some of the snippets I picked up there was more than one date being made for the next day.

I didn't get my kiss but I got a very sweet touch of his lips against my cheek, it gave me butterflies and made me all warm and tingly.

"Sleep tight beautiful, I'll see you at seven tomorrow, wear something casual and comfortable."

"Why where're we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"Okay but casual and comfortable, I hope we're not doing anything athletic like because that's a disaster waiting to happen."

"Athletically challenged are we?" He grinned that boyish grin of his and barely escaped being thrown to the sidewalk and humped to within an inch of his life.

"Wow, I've never been humped that hard before."

I looked to the girls who were all shaking their heads at me, yup, I'd had trots of the mouth again.

"That's it folks the show's over I'm taking my wayward mouth inside, Mr. Cullen maybe I'll see you tomorrow for our date if you don't decide between now and then that it's not such a good idea."

"Oh come on sweetheart, I think it's adorable that you find me that hot." He walked me to the door with my elbow in his hand.

"I'm sure you do, but from where I'm standing it's been one embarrassing moment after the other."

"No, not embarrassing, refreshingly honest, I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. Until tomorrow." I did get my kiss then, well, well, well, he was good he was very very good, toe curling, kitty melting good.

He kissed like it was an art, no rush, no false moves, he knew what he was doing as he took my head in his hand and with the other on my ass pulled me into him, his mouth came down slow and sweet, his tongue licked across both my lips before he used it to open my mouth and sink in. I hummed in my throat as I felt his erection pressing into my middle which only added to the heat of his mouth on mine.

"Holy hell..." That was me after we came up for air, I was in so much trouble, way over my head.

"Until tomorrow love." He had a secret smile on his face as he pushed his hands into his pants pockets and walked away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello readers sorry to have been MIA just needed a break for the negative nellies for a while. Lyons Crew is back n amazon for those who wrote and asked, thank you for your interest and support.**

The next day I couldn't face myself in the mirror, every word came back to haunt me as I laid in bed. I went from bouts of total embarrassment to moments of sheer bliss.

"I have a date with EDWARD CULLEN." I stomped my feet and pounded my fists down on my bed as I screamed it out loud.

"We know heifer now shut the hell up so the rest of us can get some sleep."

Oh yeah I've been shouting that same thing once about every ten minutes or so, so what, I couldn't help it, the man was only the most scrumptious thing on the planet,speaking of which.

"You up already Bells I thought for sure you'd be out until at least noon tomorrow."

I just called my dad, "Can't sleep dad I got news."

"Uh oh who do I need to bailout, how many times must I tell you girls it's an embarrassment for the chief to have to bailout one of his girls?"

"Once, once you had to bailout Ali and you know she was right for decking that douche for what he said to Rosie."

"Speak with your mouths not your fists I've been telling you girls that since you were ten."

"Whatever anyway that's not my news, guess what."

"Child of mine it's eight o'clock on a Saturday morning, I've had about two hours sleep I do not have time to play guessing games what're you five?"

"Grumpy much dad, anyway big news." I can just imagine him rolling his eyes.

"I have a date with EDWARD CULLEN."

"Geez Bells keep it down will you, you wanna deafen your old man or what?"

"Sorry dad." I giggle snorted, suddenly more excited and than I've ever been in my life.

"I guess I have to get up and go in, I have to run this guy."

"Don't you dare."

"Nope got to do it you girls know the rules, all love interests must be put through the grinder."

"Don't even think about embarrassing me like that." I'll kill him if he messed this up for me.

"How's he going to know unless you tell him or I find something incriminating?"

"What incriminating this is Edward Cullen, his personal life has been skinned inside out in the tabloids more than a Chinese raccoon dog to make fake Uggs."

"What, what the hell does that mean?"

"Never mind dad you leave my Edward alone you hear?"

"Your Edward is it, doesn't matter what you say I'm running him and he better be squeaky clean not even a parking ticket."

"Pffft, not even you are that clean, don't you want to have grand babies?"

"I'm not hearing this; picture my fingers in my ears."

"Such a grown up, anyway there'll be no vetting of my future husband he's perfect just as is I've worked closely with the man for a while now trust me if there was anything sinister about him I would know, I've only cyber stalked him since I was like sixteen."

"Oh crap my daughter's a criminal."

"Whatever dad anyway I just thought I should share my wonderful news with you so you can be happy for me."

"Okay I'm happy, now may go back to sleep?"

"Sure and there will be no background check up of future hubby?"

"Dream on."

Drats he hung up, oh well; my bedroom door was flung open and Alice came flying towards my bed.

"I'm up you've woken up the whole house with your shit."

"Whee, I have a date with Edward Cullen." My voice went whisper soft in wonder, this was really happening to me.

"Now you whisper that shit?"

Rose, Angela and Jess weren't far behind all of them griping about lack of sleep.

"Okay heifer up and at 'em."

"What where are we going?" My phone rang, probably dad calling back to annoy me. I pressed answer but Rosie started in before I could speak.

"If you're going on this date that you've been screaming about for the past hour and a half you have to have everything done, hair, nails, skin buffed and a Brazilian."

"I'm not sleeping with him on the first date."

"You don't have t sleep with him but at least let the cooch out for a little R and R."

"Hello."

"I agree with whoever that was one hundred percent."

Fuck me not again.


	8. Chapter 8

"Swan you there"

"Uh, no Swan here, you got wrong number." That's the strangest Asian accent I've ever heard,she's so fucking adorable.

"I don't think so beautiful, after everything I heard last night you can't still be embarrassed." I could imagine those cheeks of hers pinking up.

"Can we not talk about that please, it's bad enough that I have every word running through my head on a loop."

"Fine we won't talk about how sexy I find that side of you."

"Did you lose a bet or something sir, is that why you're messing with me?"

"Nope, no bet I was just in the right place at the right time." I laid back against my pillow as I imagined her still tucked up in bed, all warm and inviting.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?"

"I missed you." And that was extremely strange, I'm not in the habit of missing women, with my lifestyle being what it is I'm always on the go, I'd made up my mind a long time ago that I liked my freedom too much to go the whole settling down route, on top of that my business kept me hopping so I for damn sure wasn't looking for permanence, but last night after leaving her I found myself thinking about her to the point she followed me into my dreams. That's why I'm calling her so early on a Saturday morning after being out so late the night before. I woke up hungry for the sound of her voice, for some of that irreverence I'd overheard the night before. I would never again see her as the dowdy admin with the pretty face and though I had yet to see what she really looked like under those oversized sweaters and too long skirts, I was intrigued by what I'd learned.

Tanya or the human barracuda as they'd pegged her might pose a bit of a problem, I know what she's been after for the last little while but since I'd laid my cards on the table from the get go there was no mistake, plus the contract she'd signed stated clearly that I could terminate our association at any time at my own discretion without any repercussions. I'd pretty much covered all the bases. I've never slept with a woman without at least two forms of birth control, not since I was a teenager and my dad had sat me down and taught me the ins and outs of a shake down, not that I'm a player or anything it's just that men in my position can't afford to be careless.

"That's sweet, I kinda missed you too." Her sexy voice drew me out of my musings.

"Only kinda huh, we'll have to work on that."

We stayed on the phone for damn near an hour before her girlfriends dragged her away to start her primping session I guessed from all the chatter i could hear in the back. I can't even remember the last time I'd had more than a five minute conversation on the phone with a female other than my mother.

"He said he missed me, Edward Cullen the hottest guy in the universe said he missed me."

"Shit she's in shock."

"At least she's changed her mantra Rose, now we don't have to listen to her screaming about having a date with him."

"That's true Jess; now the only thing is how do we bring her back down to earth the first time he disappoints?"

"Oh he could never disappoint Alice, I just know it, he's like so perfect."

"Oh man maybe we need to have her ass deprogrammed or something ."

"We don't need to go that far Angela we just need to get her ass laid, I told y'all we shoulda had her cherry plucked when we were younger, now see what happened, she's done lost her damn mind."

"Rose must your mind always be in the gutter?"

"Gutter my ass, my mind is on the dick and first chance I get I'm getting me a piece of that yummilicous Emmett McCarthy." She gyrated her hips as they all flitted around me with their instruments of torture. Rose was doing my hair in big roller pins, Alice had plastered gook all over my face and boobs. Angie was working on my nails and Jess was busy giving me a pedi, all that was missing was Vicki but she'd be here later to do the makeup and make sure the others didn't trick me out like a two dollar tramp.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N hey gang come join the fun in Silverblossom's kinky closet on Facebook we're now up to four written for Facebook only fics.

BPOV

I'm extremely nervous; the girls have given up on trying to calm me down because there's just no help for it. They outdid themselves though because I looked amazing if I do say so myself; my hair is done in soft, bouncy curls around my face, my makeup is subtle enough to appear natural with just a slight brush of natural gloss across my lips which was good because I tend to bite my lip whenever I was anywhere near the delectable Edward Cullen.

My body has been buffed to a high shine; not really but close enough, my nails are a nice soft coral pink and I'm wearing open toe sandals with just a tiny bit of a heel. My above-the-knee length beige crocheted dress with cap sleeves showed just a hint of cleavage; my only jewelry was grandma's pearl studs and the watch dad had given me when I graduated from college.

I'm happy and scared at once but for some strange reason my best friends have decided it was best to leave me alone for the last ten minutes before he shows up; of course I've been loaded down with advice all not surprisingly centered around me losing my cherry to my dream crush on our first date. They were all for it of course but I knew it wasn't going to happen I'm just not made that way; besides what if it didn't work out, I'll be out of a job because there was no way I would continue to work for him if things went south and much worse than that my dreams would die. Better to drag this fairytale out for as long as possible before my bubble burst; and where had all these negative thoughts come from all of a sudden?

The ringing of the doorbell had me jumping up from the seat I'd just taken after pacing back and forth like a nut. I looked around to see if one of the others would come to my rescue but no such luck, they really were going to make me do this on my own, oh well here goes.

I reached for the door handle with sweating hands, took a deep fortifying breath and stepped into what I hoped was my future.

"Damn!" He looked me up and down as I held my breath, the way he looked at me made me weak, he was eating me with his eyes. Meanwhile I wanted to jump him right then and there on the front steps, his charcoal pullover with gray slacks fit him like they were made just for him, he looked model perfect with his wind blown hair and just a hint of stubble on his jaw and chin.

Before I knew what was happening I found myself drawn into his chest and his mouth was on mine. My toes curled and secret places started throbbing to the beat of my heart, living hell if the man could do this to me with just one kiss I was in serious trouble.

"Get 'er done boss, woot woot."

Geez could Rosalie be any more embarrassing, he was laugh kissing me and it was so sweet.

"I think I'd better go feed you before I violate you on your front steps for your neighbors to see." He waved up at the second floor window where my embarrassment committee was hanging out one piled on top the other it looked like, I could only shake my head because I knew they weren't done. Thank heaven the closest neighbor was separated by a hedge and a driveway or the mortification factor would've been through the roof, not that I wasn't already red in the face.

"Hey Edward, we can call you Edward right since we're off the clock and you're snogging our sister?"

"Kill me now."

He grinned up at her as I hung my head, now why can't she be like the package, that's false advertising if you ask me, she's model thin and beyond gorgeous but has the disposition of a dock wench. I should've known something was up when they all disappeared, they were plotting my humiliation. I'm so going to get them.

"Don't answer her Edward, I beg you."

"Oh no sweetheart, this ought to be good, what is it Hale?"

"Tomorrow's Sunday, no work, she doesn't have to be home until late, in fact if you know what you're doing she shouldn't be home at all before late afternoon." They all cracked up at that as I hung my mouth in amazement; okay this is the stuff we did to each other as teens but come on.

"I'll take that under advisement Ms. Hale."

"You do that, oh and Bella, you know the pledge, save a horse and ride a cowboy, yeehaw."

"Let's get out of here before I die of mortification geez they're horrible." My face was on fire and I could see out the side of my eye that he was fighting hard not to laugh.

"Go ahead, chuck it up, just so you know if you hang around here they'll be picking on you soon too."

"I'm a big boy I can take it."

"I bet you are." As if my word vomit wasn't bad enough, he looked around in time to catch me licking my lips. This guy was either gonna have to marry me or I am moving to Timbuktu.


	10. Chapter 10

EPOV

Who knew the stalwart Ms. Swan had such a naughty mind; if I wasn't catching her giving me inappropriate looks, she was saying something outlandish; I love it. The evening promised to be very interesting if the onset was anything to go by. Her girls were a riot and that coupled with the revelations from the night before gave me hope that this would be more than just the usual run of the mill bullshit date. We didn't have to pretend with each other, we both pretty much knew what we wanted from each other, I knew she had the hots for me and I can honestly say that the feeling was entirely mutual.

I was trying to be a gentleman and not stare are her newly revealed curves but I was dying to know why she'd been hiding her assets all this time, she had an amazing ass which is like my weakness, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

"I hope you like seafood, this place makes the best salmon croquettes not to mention their mains are amazing."

"I love seafood thanks." She was back to being shy again, all these twists and turns just made me want to dig deeper until I uncovered all her hidden places especially the big one. Ever since I'd learned of it the night before her virginity has been plaguing me. There's no way I was leaving that for some other dude, but was it fair for me to take it and some day walk away? A woman held onto that possession all these years she was not going to give it up lightly, which meant she was probably holding out for love and marriage. Was I ready for that or should I walk away? That question had been at the forefront of my mind since I awakened this morning.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

I studied her for another minute without answering her, just took my time to appreciate her for the first time since I'd known her. She wasn't a classic beauty, her look was a little more exotic with that wide mouth and upturned nose, her eyes had a slight slant to them that added to their appeal, fine porcelain skin with high cheekbones that seemed to wear a permanent blush. A long slender neck that gave way to flawless shoulders. Better stop there Cullen any farther south and things might start to rise.

"Just enjoying the view." There she goes attacking that lip again.

"Do you do that to get a rise out of me or is it really just an innocent move?"

"What?" I guess that answers that.

"Never mind, I'll order us some wine shall I?"

"I'm not sure I should have anything to drink, you do recall last night's episode right?"

"In that case we're definitely having wine."

I ordered a nice bottle of fume blanc to go with our meal as I ordered for both of us.

"I hope you don't mind, it's just I'm an old fashioned kind of guy; I think a gentleman should always see to his lady's needs."

She was staring at my mouth in the strangest way, I almost thought I had something stuck there until she made a deep sigh and shook slightly.

Damn it was going to be a pleasure to tap into all that repressed heat; I guess I'd made my decision after all.

BPOV

I wasn't sure what I was eating, could've been sawdust for all I cared; all I could concentrate on was him. His voice, his hand movements, the way he fed me from his plate which I had to admit I'd seen done countless times I just never knew what it did to the person on the receiving end.

"You have the most amazing lips Isabella anyone ever tell you that; I just want to kiss them off your face."

Okay I'm a liberated new age woman of the times, but when a man looked like that, sounded like that and said things to you in that voice while rubbing his thumb over the pulse point in your throat what's a girl to do? Especially one who's had more than her allotted two glasses of vino because she becomes a pseudo slut after that.

"That's it, screw dessert lets find a nice quiet place somewhere and pollinate my ovaries."

What the hell is he laughing at I'm dead serious here.


	11. Chapter 11

She's unbelievably funny and quirky nothing at all like I expected her to be and the things she said. I wondered how she'd react if I took her up on her offer. I'm sure she would blame the wine before the night was through but I'm beginning to think it's just her all her.

I felt a prickling sensation in my neck; you know that feeling you get when you're under someone's steady gaze? I've been feeling it for the past half hour or so but had chosen to ignore it since my present company was so entertaining and refreshing; now I was almost compelled to look.

"Fuck...shit... sorry Isabella."

How could I have been so stupid? shit.

Isabella was looking at me a little strangely and who could blame her after that outburst.

"Hello Edward fancy meeting you here." Tanya leaned over the table and placed her lips on mine. Oh this was bad; I kept my lips closed as my insides went cold.

It didn't matter that I had fucked up and should've spoken to her before taking Bella out; the reality was that we were not exclusive a fact she was very well aware of even if others might not be. It was a cold calculated and very unkind act that she pulled.

Easing back in my chair I tried to see around her to Bella; I'm sure there were others watching this little fiasco; I wanted to pick her up and run the fuck out of there.

"Tanya." I was kinda stumped for words it wasn't everyday that I found myself in this position after all.

She turned to Bella with the falsest smile I've ever seen on a human being talk about cold.

"Oh aren't you his mousy little secretary; I'm so embarrassed I actually thought my man was two timing me there for a second silly me; had I known it was just you I could've saved myself all that annoyance." She flipped her hair over her shoulder as she cocked her hip her perfectly manicured nails on razor thin hips. Men are stupid why I chose now to realize that fact was beyond rational thought but I'll have to deal with that later right now I have to salvage what ever future I might've had with the woman who had been steadily working her way into my heart since last night.

Before I could open my mouth to say one word Tanya's D&G winter white pantsuit was sprayed with a mouthful of blood red Pinot. Oh shit.

I wasn't sure what to expect next but I'm quite sure it wasn't what followed.

My delightful little darling retrieved her phone from her purse and made a call; I was almost afraid of what was coming next. Tanya meanwhile had been struck dumb as she looked down at herself embarrassingly covered in secondhand wine.

"Bitch you need directions to the coochie what are you doing calling us on your date I thought you'd be deep in dick territory by now." There was a howl of raucous laughter following that outpouring which both Tanya and I heard since she'd been thoughtful enough to put the phone on speaker.

"Hold your druthers there sister we haven't gotten to the deflowering as yet, theres a serpent in the garden."

"Huh?" That sounded like Hale.

"Well thay sounds better than a barracuda I don't think they can stay too long on land can they skankonia?" She directed that last at Tanya who was now fuming and looked ready to do Isabella bodily harm.

"Isabella..." I started warningly.

"I'll deal with you in a minute; so anyway girls this land shark has walked up to our table where we were having a very nice time I might add, we were just discussing the pollination of my ovaries more on that later; anyway this clinging vine of poison ivy has taken it upon herself to try to embarrass me. Apparently I'm a mousy little nobody so she doesn't have to worry about her man being out with me." There were loud screeches coming through the speaker then they all started speaking at once.

"Oh no the bitch didn't...where are you... we're all about to get fired because we're coming to get you... wait a minute what's he saying?"

He was trying to figure out what the hell was going on; it was a toss up between laughing my ass off or banging my head on the table.

"He's a man what do you expect, besides I got this, in for a penny in for a pound.

"Oh shit Izzy how much did you have to drink?" That was Alice for sure.

"Not much besides it's just stupid wine anyway I thought since we all hate her ever loving guts you might want in on this.

"Oh fuck." I face palmed and waited for the explosion.

"Tell us where you are."

"I'm not sure I think it's Italian Bella or Bella Italia or something like that."

"I know where it is keep talking."

I could hear movement in the background like they were all moving around at once; I'm pretty sure they were headed this way as a first date went this was turning out to be a doozy. "Maybe we should leave."

She glared at me so I thought it prudent to stay quiet; Tanya was trying to edge away from the table I guess the prospect backup put a little crimp in her sails.

"Oh no you don't Missy." Bella actually grabbed her hand to stop her retreat.

"You wanted a scene and you just so happen to have caught me in the right mood for one. Now if I recall you called me a mousy little something well I think you're an androgynous anorexic see hag who must've paid someone a whole lot of money to work some hoodoo to get this one to even sleep with you; I have stuffed pillows with more personality than you. Furthermore we're on a date the first of many because regardless of what you think I'm spectacular obviously he felt like trading up from your self-important ass. Now if you don't mind I think you should get out of here before my girls get here because they're not as nice as I am."

Tanya couldn't get out of there fast enough; it amazes me that beyond the wine spraying there wasn't any bloodshed and that the other patrons had gone on with their meals as if nothing out of the ordinary was taking place. I guess it was my turn next because she turned that killer glare on me again. I studied her as she studied me. I reached over and turned the phone off this is between her and I no one else.

"Why do nice guys always go for the lowest form of life when choosing a mate, not for nothing Mr. Cullen I'm pretty sure my job's in the pisser by now so it doesn't matter much anymore so I might as well go ahead and say what I want. I sincerely think you could do much better than that." She pointed in the direction of Tanya's exit before standing up from the table. I reached across to take her hand in mine.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to wait for the girls outside."She looked so fucking sad.

"That won't be necessary our evening isn't over yet."

"Huh?"

"Sweet Georgia Brown why are you sitting on my head?"

I kissed the top of her head as my chest rumbled with laughter.

"Earthquake." She all but shouted before catching her head.

I'm trying really hard not to laugh because I'm sure her head is killing her this morning not to mention I've been laying here waiting patiently for her reaction to waking up in my bed.

"What the..."

Here it comes.

She picked up her head smacked her lips and looked around from her place on my chest. "Something crawled in my mouth and died." She said all of this I think before it registered where she was; when she finally took me in she screeched and launched herself off the bed almost breaking her neck as well as other body parts. It was then I let the laughter loose.

There was a lot of praying going on in the bathroom or at least it sounded like it; I jackknifed off the bed and headed for the guest bath when I heard the shower come on. Better get cleaned up for this morning's theatrics.

There wasn't any movement from the other occupants of the house so I guess everyone was sleeping in; it had been quite a night, one for the books I am hoping that with this crew there might be many more like it in my future. I had breakfast going before heading back upstairs to grab her, I knew she must have a million questions not the least being what she was doing in my bed.

I found her hiding under the covers.

"Please please please have mercy and tell me I wasn't a complete slut last night."

"I don't think I like you speaking out my wife in that way."

I knew that would get her, the covers were thrown off and her eyes fell on the rock she was now sporting.

"You... I...we..."

"Uh huh."

"But how, why, are you teasing me?"

"Nope, Vegas isn't the only place for a quickie wedding; one town over there's a justice of the peace who does the honors, of course we'll have to do it up right for my family and your dad. Oh he called by the way,"

"What, what, what's going on?"

"Well to make a long story short after you smacked Tanya around yesterday your girls showed up I decided to call the guys and make a night of it; you became progressively cuter and cuter throughout the evening so I said what the hell."

"Get out!" Her mouth fell open as she studied her ring then me and back again.

"Nah, that's not quite how it happened but close enough."

"Tell me."

How to explain, It wasn't exactly easy since I was still coming to terms with it myself all I know is that as the night went on life without her seemed less and less appealing. I know I know it's irresponsible and rash but there were other things I'd done on impulse that turned out to be the best damn thing I've ever done in my life. I have the overwhelming feeling that this decision would prove to be the same.

"We'll damn after all this time and I missed it." She pouted prettily, my wife, fuck that felt good.

"Missed what sweetheart?" I could see that my calling her that threw her little but she soon regrouped.

"Losing my virginity, dammit was I any good?"

Should I tell her the truth, nah this relationship was already very unconventional no sense in getting all serious now. Besides I liked the snarky, sarcastic way she did things, they seemed more liberating somehow.

"Oh babe you were the best, and the things you did with your mouth, where did a virgin learn to do such things and so well?"

"Rose and Alice."

Say what?

"They taught me on fruits and veggies, I thought it was stupid but apparently it paid off."

Don't laugh Cullen, she'd probably brain you, she'd proven that she was a feisty little thing and I'm not sure it was all the alcohol.

"Oh well, that's good then."I kept a straight face.

"What about...you know." She pointed down at herself with the cutest blush spreading over her face and shoulders.

"Oh that..." I shrugged my shoulders and turned to walk away, it wasn't very well done of me but she was so damn cute.

"Well I'm new at it you know and plus I was a little intoxicated I'm sure I can get it right..."

"Hey hey hey, it was a joke." She looked like she was about to cry.

"Are you sure, because if I wasn't any good I think you should maybe find someone else who is."

"What the hell we just got married."

Now it was my turn to become upset.

"I know but I love you too much to saddle you with an inferior bed partner..."

"You love me?" Ok this is a little backward I'd already put the ring on her finger after all but that was my way of keeping her to myself lest someone else came along and noticed how fucking amazing she was and stole her from me.

She nodded her head at my question and twisted the sheet in her hand.

"So you see, I can't make you stay with an inferior bed partner, it just won't be fair to you."

"She tried climbing off the bed but I was on her before she could get one foot on the floor.

"You're not going any fucking where you're my wife and you're gonna stay my wife."

Her body was shaking and I grew suspicious.

"You've got to be kidding me, that was all an act?"

"Yep, I know we didn't have sex last night because my coochie still feels whole, no pain no tenderness unless you're a pencil dick which I happen to know you're not, nothing went near my girl last night."

"So that almost crying..."

"That'll teach you to mess with me in the future now what's for breakfast I'm suddenly starving."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Good mornjng people hope you're all having a smashing day**

**if you haven't already why don't you** **come join us in the closet on Facebook Silverblossom's Kinky Closet, must be 18 or older with DOB evident on your timeline. Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy.**

"Why you little shit." I pounced on her which sent her into a fit of giggles as we rolled around together on the bed. I could not believe how relaxing it felt to be here like this with her. My mom had been excited when I made a little five minute call in the wee hours of the morning to tell her that her son had done the deed, dad had been a little more reserved but he'll come around, I had no doubt that they'd all love her.

"That's Mrs. Little Shit Cullen to you." Her eyes grew wide and apprehensive as she looked up at me from that face. How was it possible to have been so close to her all this time and not have seen it? After the way she'd lit into Tanya last night I'd known, more than eaves dropping on her conversation that night at the bar, fuck was that only two nights ago, feels like a lifetime? But more than what I'd learned that night it was the way she looked when she'd stood to leave the table after ripping into Tanya, that look in her eyes when she'd told me I deserved better. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she didn't think she'd fit the bill; and that right there, that coupled with this new side that she'd kept hidden from me all this time plus the lining up of the stars or whatever else was at work last night is the reason I Edward Anthony Masen Cullen had taken the plunge.

"What is it?" I addressed the sudden look of fear in her eyes.

"Did you really marry me last night?"

My girl's voice had gone all soft and uncertain, like a kid who's afraid of having his dreams snatched. Man I love her.

Taking her hand that now bore my ring I lifted it to my mouth and kissed it while holding her gaze.

Two things happened at once; I realized or my body finally did that I was lying on top of her in bed, partially dressed and she was looking soft and sweet and absolutely fuckable and with that realization, it finally penetrated, she was my wife; mine to keep; forever. My cock reacted and I pushed it against the junction of her thighs and watched as her eyes widened.

"I sure did, no backing out now, your father already gave his stamp of approval, it's a done deal."

In fact what her father had said when I'd called him just a little tipsy at some unholy hour of the morning was 'Good, one down five more to go, I'm going back to sleep tell my girls to call me in the morning." And that was that.

She widened her legs sneakily like she didn't want me to notice she was doing it, I played along, anything to get closer to that heat. Did I mention my wife has magnificent tits? Huge, I can't wait to bury my face in all that plumpness, who would've thought? I've always considered myself an ass man, she had that going on as well. I'd hit the jackpot and I hadn't even known I'd been playing.

While I was busy having lascivious thoughts she was stealthily stealing a little friction action, it was slight yes but I felt the little movements she made against me. I pressed down harder trying to help her out as she widened her legs to give me better access.

Our first real kiss as man and wife, okay we'd shared a few drunken slobberings but they didn't count, this did. It was hot and sweet and wild and fuck if I didn't get inside her soon I was gonna combust. Her hands grabbed fistfuls of my hair as mine went right to the goods. One held a plump tit while the other held her ass cheek pulling her closer to my hardness. The silk and lace panties she wore under the shirt I'd taken off last night or this morning rather, was no barrier for my boy he was already weeping all over her.

She felt so fucking amazing under me all I could think of was getting closer and closer. Her body started moving more surely as our lips melded together I had to use both hands on her ass to keep up as she started a mad grinding thrusting motion that made me want to howl at the fucking moon.

When her body lifted mine and her teeth bit into my lip I pulled my head back and watched the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. Body flushed, eyes rolled back, lip caught in her teeth she came hard and deep and long on a deep groan.

"Fuck, I can't wait to get inside you."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N geez I see the hate brigade is out in full force honey boo boo if you don't like my writing don't read it what are you new? smh you beggar belief **

Shit, I couldn't very well take my new bride with a houseful of people about to be up and about. Her orgasm against my clothed rod was exquisite I could hardly imagine what being inside her would be like, but it'll have to wait, of course there was always...

"Sweetheart I can't love you now the others will be up soon, but will you let me do something else for you?" I could see from the quizzical look on her face that she wasn't sure what I meant but the slight nodding of her head was all the agreement I needed.

Kissing around the waistband of her lace underwear I dipped my tongue beneath to taste the skin of her tummy. She was already writhing beneath me as I slowly lowered them kissing and nibbling her flesh as it became exposed; her scent was heady, fresh and sweet woman.

When I'd gotten them down to her ankles and off I kissed my way from her ankle, up the soft silk of her inner thigh before the lure of her sweet smelling pussy drew me in.

Opening her up with my thumbs I looked at her soft pinkness before my mouth started to water and I couldn't wait any longer. Closing my eyes so that I could enjoy more fully her essence on my tongue, I took my first taste of her. Her wet sweet musk burst forth on my tongue as I licked just inside her folds. I got lost in her from that first foray of my tongue inside her. Her virgin pussy tasted spicy sweet and hot, addictive. I pressed my rampant cock into the mattress and leaked as I lifted her firm ass in my hands bringing her closer to my mouth and tongue. I was so gone it was a while before I registered her fingers in my hair pulling me deeper into her, her sexy little grunts and the uncontrollable way she moved her hips went right through me. It hit me then, I was responsible for teaching this lovely creature all about the pleasures of the flesh, me and only me. No one else will ever get to see her like this, ever taste her delights. My heart almost burst with the knowledge.

"Mine." I growled the word while looking into her eyes before diving back into her sweet pussy. It was too much and though I couldn't take her now, I needed contact with her.

Climbing up her body I took my cock in hand and schooled myself to not go too far as I rubbed the crown of my cock back and forth along her clit to her wet opening. Her legs opened farther as I made circles on her clit before pushing just the tip into her and pulling back. I tested the strength of her hymen on the next move down, I now had at least three inches in her before I felt the barrier that proclaimed her innocence.

Everything in me screamed to push through to fuck her now she was mine after all, it was my right as her husband she belonged to me, I needed to claim her. I gritted my teeth against my inner turmoil even as she begged me to take her.

"Please Edward just do it." She tried pulling me into her with her nails dug firmly into my ass but I resisted.

"No, when I fuck you for the first time I want to hear you."

I kissed her then, wild and hot our tongues rubbing against each other as I fucked just inside her pussy with the first three inches of my thick cock, she was a tight as fuck fit, I couldn't wait to feel all of that tight goodness enveloping my whole cock. Her breathing sped up so I left her mouth to take a nipple into my mouth sucking it in hard as she cried out and shook beneath me in the throes of orgasm. Her release set mine off and I came, jetting stream after stream of hot jizz inside her pussy until it started running back out around by cock. I looked down at the place where we were joined, her pussy lips were stretched over my still hard cock; all it would take is that one slight push forward but no, I wanted more for her, much more. Though I did get a very wicked thought, they say you should begin as you mean to go on right? With that thought in mind I eased out of her body, since I hadn't breached her hymen there was no blood.

Taking two big fingers I inserted them into her now reddened pussy and played around inside her for a minute before pulling them out now covered with my sperm.

"Look at me...open." She opened her mouth and accepted my offering as I fed her my cum from her body.


End file.
